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The Long Obedience
Episode 5: Fighting Well
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Episode 5: Fighting Well

Why Avoidance Isn't Peace

In this episode, I assert that conflict isn't the enemy of intimacy — avoidance is. Every fight you refuse to have, every hard conversation you sidestep, doesn't disappear; it goes underground and builds until something explodes. I name the ways men fight badly — stonewalling, defending instead of hearing, counterattacking, and fighting to win — and then walks through what healthy conflict actually looks like: slowing down, listening to understand, owning your part quickly, fighting for the relationship instead of victory, and repairing fast. The episode closes with the insight that most fights aren't really about what they seem to be about; underneath the surface issue is a deeper question about trust, presence, or worth.


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